Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
