you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Found your dick twin last night
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
