The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
