I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
