gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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