She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Everything about him screamed your future.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
