my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
The power of my boobs compel you
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
