Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize