Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
