just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
