It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
My pussy is not your playground.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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