I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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