chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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