dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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