I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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