I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
