U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
