I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Randomize
