I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
