I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
There's always time for handjobs
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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