i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Randomize
