You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
