Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
