Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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