people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
