I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she looked like the before picture.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
