i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
