the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Someone came in the potted fern
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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