i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
now i know why i became what i already was.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
It's shark week go big or go home
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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