Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
