tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
as a side note pls kill me
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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