I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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