i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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