I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
