according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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