How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
