break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
