brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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