awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
