Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
