she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
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