We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
