I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
