and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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