you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
