no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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