Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
