It's like God shit irony all over that family
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
