Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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