Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
