well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
