Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
