dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
