I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
