the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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