My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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